18 December 2023
Supplanting Mom
A grandparent is a welcome aide to any daughter-in-law in providing services that help her raise the grandchildren. That includes giving gifts to the children that their mother, in particular, approves of.
It is not surprising, though, that the children’s mother might consider giving gifts to those children at their request, whether or not solicited, without consulting her first to be an attempt to supplant her child-care role. Engaging in that loving activity not only potentially creates animosity between the two women; it also puts the children’s father in a difficult situation.
When a grandchild makes a request to someone outside their immediate family for a special favor, it is undoubtedly appropriate to consult with one of the parents before complying with it. Of course, that courtesy can be accomplished by consulting with either and only one of the child’s parents. However, it incumbent on that other parent to be prompt in responding to an appeal for consultation. In the absence of a response, the grandparent may go ahead with the gift anyway in frustration. That will surely cause friction between the mother and both her husband and the grandparent. Lost in all this will be the intended joy the gift was meant to bring to the child.
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